🧠 About Us
We leverage AI, buzzwords, and sheer confidence to skyrocket your KPIs into the *who-knows-where*. Founded over an overpriced oat milk latte, we exist to do one thing: Synergize Paradigm Shifts.
💼 Our Services
- 🔮 Brand Alchemy: Turn clipart into magic.
- 📈 Growth Hacking: Meme your way to millions (or at least mild engagement).
- 🤖 AI Buzzword Generating: We use ChatGPT. Like, *a lot*.
- 📬 Email Campaigns: We promise at least your mom will open it.
- 🧃 Influencer Wrangling: Our cousin has 300 followers. That counts, right?
👥 Meet the Team
- Chaz "The Vision" Vandergroov – CEO & Ping Pong Strategist
- Tina TikTok – Chief Trend Officer (went viral in 2022 sneezing on a ferret)
- Blake “Analytics” McBuzzkill – Spreadsheet Enthusiast
- AI Intern (Beta) – Writes blogs nobody reads
📈 Our Results (Definitely Real)
“Thanks to NimbleSquid™, I now have *two* customers!” — A guy we met at a bar
“We increased our impressions by 900%. Still don’t know what that means.” — Confused Client #42
“They told me to pivot. So I did. Into bankruptcy.” — Former CEO, current Uber driver
🛒 Packages
| Package | Price | Includes |
|---|---|---|
| The “Oops All Hashtags” | $499 | 1 Strategy Call, 12 Hashtags, 3 Vague Promises |
| The “Pivot and Pray” | $999 | Custom Logo, 1 Email Blast, 30% More Buzzwords |
| The “We Don’t Know Either” | $??? | Just trust us, okay? |
📞 Contact Us
📍 Based in "The Cloud"
📞 Call us at 555-WE-TWEET (only during Mercury retrograde)
*NimbleSquid™ is not responsible for actual marketing outcomes, lost revenue, social media cancelations, or identity crises resulting from unclear branding. Use at your own risk. Seriously.